


Reunion

by Blandings13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lie to me by 5 Seconds of Summer, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blandings13/pseuds/Blandings13
Summary: Three years after finishing Hogwarts, a depressed Remus accidentally runs into Sirius. Feelings Ensue.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 36
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

‘Let me go!’

Remus heard the anguished cry and hurried down a dark side street.

It was just shy of eleven o’clock. The night was dark, but enough light fell from the nearby street lamps to throw the scene before him into sharp relief. Three men were attacking a small boy. The boy lay on the ground, mouth open and panting. One of the men kicked the boy, while the other two laughed.

The boy’s tormentor angled his leg back for another kick aimed at the boy’s stomach. The boy curled inward; his face bloody but determined.

‘Stop,’ came a hoarse voice, and the three men turned around in surprise. They were greeted by the sight of an unimpressive figure. Tall but gangly, it stepped forward and its face was illuminated by the light.

Brown hair fell past the newcomer’s jaw. His face was evenly featured but deeply scarred. Amber light deepened the scars until they seemed alive. Through the shadows, glittered eyes a deep, flickering green. The men’s attention centered on those eyes for a second, they belied the figure’s obvious youth. The eyes had known pain, they seemed haunted. The voice had been quiet, but the eyes…they spoke volumes.

‘Sure you wan’ tae interfere, lad?’ one of the attackers said, drawing a metallic handle from his pocket and flicking open a long knife.

‘Oh. Come on then.’ Remus said flatly, body shifting into a wide-legged stance, arms rising up to defend.

The man lunged. The knife flashed, then fell, skittering harmlessly on the ground. The eyes of the other two men tracked the knife as it fell, and when they looked up, their friend had followed it, unconscious.

The men were shocked, the newcomer looked barely twenty. With a shout and a roar, the two converged on him.

‘Run!’ Remus shouted at the boy. He did not check to see if the boy obeyed, but focussed on the attackers, challenging them with his eyes. His chin was raised, his body braced. His mind was empty, and his fists cocked.

Some traffic could still be heard from the main road, but this particular side street was empty. The only sound was the exchange of blows, as Remus fought desperately, dodging and striking.

His wand was tucked in the waistband of his jeans. When he had first come upon the scene, he had not wanted to break the law, to risk the International Statute of Secrecy. But he was soon coming to rethink that hasty decision. Both the men were tall, and the heavyset one, who had been the one kicking the boy, seemed to have some formal training. Try as he might, Remus could not land a substantial hit. They came at him together, and he was just about to draw his wand, when he heard a shout behind him and froze.

The words themselves were unremarkable, but the voice was anything but. Warm, velvet, evoking memories of long dark hair and pale skin, a crooked smile, and deep grey eyes that saw too much, but frustratingly not all.

‘Who’s there?’ Remus managed to utter, shaken to his core. The two men were staring into the shadows behind him, but his eyes were still watching them, wary of a trap. His mind had conjured up the voice at enough lonely moments in the past, that for _him_ to materialize, exactly when Remus needed help, was too implausible for the cynical bent of his mind.

‘Remus?’, the voice said, doubt in every syllable. Remus heard footsteps as whoever was behind him walked over to his side.

‘Seriously...?’ Remus said disbelievingly.

‘Is this a row? Are we rowing? Let’s do it then!’ Sirius grinned and lurched, somehow gracefully, towards the heavyset man.

The other man looked at Remus, eyes questioning, as though still not believing the apparition that was pummeling his friend’s face. Remus could empathize. He gave the stunned man a moment to recover, and then dealt a single calculated punch to his jaw, felling him like a tree.

‘What are you doing here?’ Remus asked, as soon as Sirius straightened.

‘I was passing by; thought I saw you. Couldn’t believe it, so I doubled back to check. Then I heard the scuffle, thought you might need me.’ Sirius summarized, shrugging.

‘I needed you all right.’ Remus muttered to himself, scowling.

‘Your lip is bleeding,’ Sirius said cheerfully.

Remus brushed at the blood, and took a quick survey. His shirt was torn and filthy. His ribs ached a little, but the pain was the mildest he had ever felt.

Sirius, of course, looked perfect. Not a hair out of place, he stood ramrod straight, hands in the pockets of his dark jacket. He was dressed all in black, and his perfect black hair fell becomingly around his angular face. Grey eyes grinned wickedly into green. Sirius looked thrilled. As if he was positively overjoyed to reunite with an old school friend. Which, knowing Sirius, he probably was.

Remus, on the other hand, had been dreading this meeting. He knew it would happen eventually, and thought he was prepared for it. He had never expected them to meet like this, however- fists flying, triumphing over oppressive bullies in Muggle London. It was like some scene out of a Penny dreadful. Then again, when had things ever gone his way, Remus thought bitterly.

‘These idiots are down for the count,’ Sirius said. ‘Should we leave?’

‘Yeah,’ Remus agreed, and they started to walk towards the main road. ‘Do you want to know why I was fighting…?’

‘I’m sure you had your reasons,’ Sirius said happily. ‘Now, are you hurt, Moony?’

Remus felt a stab at Sirius’s use of his old nickname. ‘No,’ he heard himself say. ‘I’m okay.’

Remus stared determinedly ahead, and saw Sirius’s motorbike parked under a lamp. It was black and shiny, and looked dangerous, like its owner.

‘Here.’

Remus looked around at the nudge and saw Sirius holding out his leather jacket. His mind emptied. Sirius’s shirt was sleeveless, his arms were big and round, bulging with muscle, but somehow still attractive instead of bulky.

Remus’s mouth filled with saliva, and he stared dumbly at Sirius’s chest, the black t-shirt slightly dampened by sweat, and stretched over cords of muscle. He kept staring until Sirius moved again, draping the jacket over Remus’s shoulders.

‘Your shirt’s torn through, you’ll catch a cold. I would mend it, but I’m guessing you’ll have some silly objection to me pulling out my wand here.’

Remus nodded. He pushed his arms through Sirius’s jacket, his mind noting but not reacting to the pain in his ribs at the pull of his arms. The gooseflesh over his forearms expanded to cover his neck- it intensified instead of abating. Wearing the jacket was like being wrapped in Sirius, and Remus’s body and mind both reacted pitifully. His breathing slowed, and his lips lifted up in a smile. The jacket smelled of Sirius- like the woods and moonlight, like the small hints of citrus in the shampoo he used when they were at school, like the smoke of his cigarettes, like dark delight.

Sirius looked concerned now, perhaps puzzled at the maniacal intensity of Remus’s smile.

‘I’m taking you home,’ he said firmly, and pulled Remus on the motorbike behind him.

The motorbike started with a rumble and they were off. Predictably, Sirius drove fast. The chilly night air whipped over Remus’s face and slapped some of his brain awake.

‘Aren’t you cold?’ he shouted over the noise.

He saw Sirius’s shoulders move in a shrug and then Sirius’s back slightly leaned backwards, toward him.

‘Some,’ Sirius shouted back, ‘you better hold on to me.’

Remus was glad to comply, and scooted eagerly forward on the seat. His arms wrapped around Sirius’s waist, curling around the flat stomach. He was taller than Sirius now, but he hunched to place his chin on Sirius’s shoulder, dark hair flying into his eyes. He thought Sirius’s cheek moved in a smile next to his face, but the rear-view mirror was not angled to reflect either of their expressions, so he could not be sure.

Remus relaxed against Sirius’s body, his mind lingering on the old fantasies and the new ones. He let himself wallow for a full three minutes before letting reality catch up.

He had loved Sirius with everything he had. Loved him since they were both fourteen. Loved his moods and his complaints, his smile and his hair, his eyes and his hands, his stubbornness and his pride, but above all, he had loved Sirius’s kindness, and his courage. Loved him so much, in fact, that he could not bear to be near him anymore. He had never hidden his feelings. In fact, thinking back, he was sometimes angry at himself for being so obvious. He was sure James had known. If James had known, of course he must have told Sirius. But Sirius did nothing.

As soon as school was over, Remus had distanced himself from his friends. He sank easily back into his old habits, seduced by his only true companions- loneliness and self-hate. He had forced himself to forget everything else. He told himself he had imagined it, imagined the depth of the bonds he had forged, exaggerated the love those friends felt for him, mistaken common politeness and decency for something deeper. A small part of him knew the truth. It would come to the surface now and again, and he would catch himself on the verge of contacting Sirius, sending an owl to James, even telephoning Peter- but he stopped himself, the blue devils inside him reiterating that his friends had forgotten him, had got on with their lives, had so much more to do than babysit an insecure werewolf.

The depression had been getting better recently, at least he had been feeding and clothing himself better, the job at the Muggle bookstore the first stable one he had ever had.

Sirius’s voice broke into his thoughts.

‘What are you thinking about?’

‘Nothing,’ Remus said, looking around at the buildings whizzing past. ‘Where are we going?’ he asked Sirius, not recognizing a single street sign.

‘Home,’ Sirius said. ‘I told you I was taking you home.’

‘Your home?’

‘Obviously, you prat. I don’t know where _you_ live. What were you doing here this late at night, anyway?’

‘I…work at a bookstore. I closed up tonight. Was heading to the bus stop to go home.’ Remus responded. Did he want to go to Sirius’s house? Would the old wounds open and start bleeding again?

Really, he considered, it wasn’t as though any of the wounds _had_ healed. How much worse could they get anyway? This small pocket of happiness was immeasurably preferable to the ocean of loneliness that was his life. At least for an hour or two, he could forget himself in Sirius’s company.

‘What are you doing in Muggle London?’ he asked Sirius, nose inching perilously close to Sirius’s cheek. He inhaled a few more deep breaths, eyes closed. Just the happiness for now, he promised himself. What did it matter if Sirius thought of things differently than he did? He felt deeply enough for the both of them. Just a couple of hours of peace, and then he could go back to the curse of his life.

‘I play guitar at a Muggle pub,’ Sirius said. ‘Finished early today, not much of a crowd. I was on my way home when I saw you.’

‘Oh,’ Remus absorbed that. His brain formed an image of Sirius playing the guitar, slender fingers stroking the music out of tightly stretched strings. The dark curtain of hair falling over his eyes as the velvet voice rose and fell in song. The lips quirking cheekily up in a grin, or trembling over a sad refrain.

‘I imagine that drives the girls wild,’ he observed drily. His fingers flexed automatically; he had forgotten that they were still pressed against Sirius’s stomach. He felt the low rumble of laughter rise from Sirius’s belly, through his chest and out of his mouth.

Fuck me, he thought. Steady, Lupin.

‘So where do you live?’ he asked instead, banking the myriad emotions that rose in him. His front was pressed to Sirius’s back. He could feel Sirius’s belt against his stomach. The thickness of his jeans, how tightly he was pressed against Sirius, and the motion of the motorbike, all added up conveniently to ensure that Sirius could not feel his erection. Thank God for small mercies.

‘Not far now,’ Sirius said.

Remus stopped looking over Sirius’s shoulder and pillowed his head on it instead, staring at the lights flashing past, absorbing and burning into memory the feeling of Sirius against him. Sirius’s shoulder was absurdly comfortable, and his bare skin gave off more of his scent. Remus soon forgot himself enough to rub his face against the bare shoulder, and hoped that Sirius thought he was asleep.

Sirius did not say anything, but Remus thought he heard a sigh pass through those lips, swallowed quickly in their slipstream. Before much longer, the motorbike turned down a smaller street, and then stopped.

Sirius’s legs shot out to balance them on the now stationary motorbike but Remus did not move. He was committed to the sleeping bit. For a minute or so, Sirius did not move either; his feet resting on the ground. Slowly, he tilted his head back, breathing in the cool night air, until it rested against the top of Remus’s head. Still Remus stayed motionless, face pressed into the broad shoulder, eyes closed, breathing even.

Sirius’s hands held Remus’s around his waist, lingered for a minute and then one arm snaked backward, holding Remus’s body close so that he did not fall. Sirius’s other hand gently unclasped Remus’s hands from around his waist. His head came up from Remus’s.

‘Moony,’ Sirius said softly. ‘We’re here.’


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius’s flat was huge compared to his own lodgings. It resembled its owner. It was warm, inviting, open, and disorganized. The kitchen was easily the neatest room, Remus could tell Sirius barely used it.

‘You live alone? I always thought you’d live with…’ Remus started and then stopped abruptly, afraid of having hit a nerve.

‘James?’ Sirius smiled. ‘He’s staying with his parents until the wedding. You wouldn’t know about that, I suppose. Prongs is marrying Evans.’ Sirius looked at Remus with a challenge in his eyes.

Remus’s smile was instant and huge. ‘That’s great! Prongs must be unbearable these days.’

He laughed into Sirius’s eyes, hoping to share their old exasperation of James’s antics, but the grey eyes were unsmiling and intense.

Remus’s expression changed to one of inquiry, and Sirius’s eyes narrowed slightly before releasing Remus’s. Sirius stared at the wall opposite instead, and said, ‘So it’s not James you’re mad at. Who, then? Me?’

‘Damn you, Sirius. Leave that be.’ Remus growled.

Sirius met his eyes again and shrugged, as if he could not care less. He made his way into the kitchen and tapped the kettle with his wand. Steam issued immediately from the spout. He rummaged inside a cupboard and pulled out two large grey mugs, opened a box on the counter for some teabags, and poured the boiling water into the mugs on top of the teabags. He waited a minute for the tea to steep, then removed the tea bags and stirred in some honey from another jar into one of the mugs. He carried both mugs into the drawing room.

Placing the one with the honey on the center table in front of Remus, he went back to lean against his chosen spot on the wall. Meeting Remus’s eyes again, he motioned towards the sofa with his mug, and shoved his other hand into the pocket of his jeans.

Remus blinked and sat down. Watching Sirius move was an education. His movements were precise, his gait measured and graceful. Every motion was deliberate and economical. His body accomplished what his brain set out to do. Nothing more, nothing less. There was no uncertain hovering or casual dithering. The twenty-year old Sirius was, if possible, slightly more impressive than his younger self. He was more controlled, less dramatic somehow. Remus felt another pang at how much this Sirius was different from _his_ Sirius.

Then his eyes focussed on the mug of tea in front of him. ‘You remembered the honey,’ he said, his voice a statement, not a question.

Sirius rolled his eyes but went slightly pink, ruining the effect. ‘Just drink your tea, you knob.’

Remus felt happier, this Sirius was not that different from his Sirius after all. Thinking it best to keep his hands occupied, he picked up the mug and took a small sip to test the temperature. He winced as the cut on his lip throbbed.

‘More honey?’ Sirius asked.

‘No, it’s perfect. Could I use your bathroom to clean up a little?’

‘Fuck,’ Sirius said and came over to Remus at once. He placed his own mug next to Remus’s on the table, and caught Remus’s hand in his. Dragging him past a room which was mostly all bed, he let go off Remus’s hand when they were in a small bathroom, complete with mirror, basin, tub, and toilet.

‘Wait here,’ he said and returned in another moment with a small bottle. He opened the stopper, and Remus smelled the acrid odor.

‘No,’ Remus said quickly, eyes wide in fear.

‘Shut up. There’s dirt in all these cuts, I have to clean them before I can do anything else, and well you know it. It’ll only sting for a minute.’

Thus chastised, Remus could only nod.

‘Take your clothes off,’ Sirius said.

Remus smiled ruefully. At least Sirius had said what he wanted to hear, albeit not in the same context.

He took Sirius’s jacket off, wincing at the twinge in his ribs. The cold night air seemed to have worsened the pain. To make matters simpler and avoid causing him more pain, Sirius simply vanished his ruined shirt.

‘Moony!’ Sirius exclaimed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?’

‘It’s not,’ Remus reassured him. ‘Looks worse than it is.’

Remus’s chest was a mottled, angry red, bruises covering most of his front. There were some scrapes at his side, where he had hit the road a couple of times.

Sirius dabbed at the cut on his lip, standing so close Remus could have counted his eyelashes. He needed something to distract himself from the physical and emotional pain, so he did count them.

Sirius kneeled on the floor to clean the cuts on his sides and Remus focussed solely on his expression. It was determined, but the grey eyes were soft. Sirius was breathing shallowly through his nose, and his teeth seemed to be clenched together.

‘It’s all right, Sirius,’ Remus said softly, stroking the worry lines on Sirius’s forehead smooth.

Sirius looked up at him and made a noise that was difficult to describe. Remus’s fingers moved to cup Sirius’s cheek and Sirius’s lips parted. Then Sirius blinked and the moment passed.

He finished cleaning the cuts and moved his wand over them, muttering a healing spell. His fingers moved gently over Remus’s ribs, feeling for a break or for torn muscles, Remus could never tell. Sirius had become quite adept at healing Remus’s many injuries over the years. His healing potions and spells were bested only by Madam Pomfrey, but even she could not match Sirius’s ability to pinpoint the exact nature of an injury. Remus would bet his limited savings on Sirius being able to sniff out a broken bone faster than any Healer at St Mungo’s. What was more, Sirius’s touch was gentler than any other healer Remus knew. Sirius’s fingers soothed his skin, instead of probing into it.

‘This one’s cracked,’ Sirius said angrily, pointing toward the last floating rib.

‘A mouthful of Skele-Gro should fix it. I’ll take some when I go home. Don’t worry.’ Remus said, nonchalance dripping from his voice.

‘Shut up,’ Sirius said again, and disappeared. He came back with another bottle and a spoon. He poured out a spoonful, and shoved it into Remus’s mouth without meeting his eyes. Well used to the taste, Remus swallowed meekly.

Sirius left with the bottle and returned to heal the last remaining cut on Remus’s lip.

‘I’m sorry,’ Remus said, holding the grey eyes with his own as Sirius opened his mouth to mutter the spell. Remus’s hands reached out tentatively to curve against both of Sirius’s wrists.

The anger left the grey eyes slowly, to be replaced by something else that Remus could not identify. His eyes bored into Sirius’s, their faces close, Remus’s hands imprisoning Sirius’s wrists and holding him in place.

‘ _Episkey_ ,’ Sirius mumbled, and Remus’s lip knit instantly, burning flame hot. A moan escaped his lips and Sirius’s mysterious expression seemed to intensify.

‘Want me to kiss it better?’ Sirius asked after a moment, his voice teasing but his eyes still soft.

What the hell, Remus thought.

‘Please,’ he said aloud.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and leaned in further. He had never been one to refuse a challenge. Remus stopped breathing. Sirius’s face hovered mere centimetres from his own. It’s happening, was his last, panicked thought, before he closed his eyes.

‘You almost got me that time,’ Sirius said and chuckled evilly.

‘You fucker,’ Remus said softly and opened his eyes. He released Sirius’s hands and Sirius stepped back. He turned his back on Remus and twisted a tap open to fill the claw-footed tub.

‘I’ll add a little something to the water to ease the pain from your ribs,’ he said, back still turned. He left to mix his potion and Remus looked longingly after him.

Sirius Black would be the death of him, he knew. He tried to gather what little dignity he had left, until Sirius came back with a big jar. He tipped it into the tub and left without another word.

Remus closed the door and took the rest of his clothes off. He waited for the tub to fill and then slowly eased his aching body inside. The warm foamy water felt wonderful on his abused skin. He sighed deeply, relaxing completely for the first time in years.

‘Are you in the tub?’ Sirius’s voice called after a minute. Remus’s body tensed again.

‘Yes?’ he said tentatively.

The door opened and Sirius entered the bathroom, carrying a fluffy blue towel and determinedly looking everywhere but at Remus.

‘I need to check your legs,’ he said firmly.

‘Fuck that! I’m okay, I told…’

‘Then show me, and I can leave.’

Defeated, Remus pulled first one leg and then the other out of the foamy water. Sirius twirled his finger around and Remus obediently turned his legs to the right and then to the left, rolling his eyes.

‘There’s another bruise on your hip, isn’t there?’

‘How did…? No, there isn’t!’ Remus said.

‘The Murtlap essence I added should take care of it,’ Sirius said smugly. He placed the towel and a tray with bath supplies closer to the side of the tub, where Remus could reach them easily without stretching. Then he left, picking up Remus’s discarded clothes from the floor as he went, and closing the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

When he could no longer grip the side of the tub without his pruned fingers just sliding off, Remus decided it was time to get out. Sirius had overreacted to his injuries, which had been nothing to write home about. He remembered hurting worse the time he had fallen and cracked his wrist, but he had been a child then. That had been before he was bitten.

If he had gone home tonight, he would not have bothered to even clean up the cuts, let alone healing them or soaking himself in a perfumed and foamy bath that felt wonderful against the bruising.

Remus sighed. He knew what was wrong this time. He was annoyed because now _he_ smelled like Sirius. In hindsight, the shampoo had been a bad idea, but he had been unable to resist.

He wrapped the soft towel around his hip and eased the door open a crack, ready to fend off Sirius in case he wanted a peak at the bruise on his thigh. The bedroom was empty. Sirius had considerately laid out a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt on the bed, next to Remus’s wand. Remus was able to dress himself without anything pulling or hurting. And his nose was now used to the smell from his own wet hair, desensitized, so he was able to ignore it. Almost completely.

The sweatpants were remarkably soft, and even though he pulled the drawstring tight, they did not chafe or pinch at his hip. The bruises had gone purple now. By morning, they would fade to a dull yellow, and by this time tomorrow, thanks to Sirius’s ministrations, they’d completely disappear. What would he be doing this time tomorrow- Remus wondered wretchedly.

He padded into the drawing room, but Sirius wasn’t there. He felt strangely alarmed, the intensity of the feeling of loss drowning him. He looked around and glimpsed a shadow hunched outside on the tiny balcony.

The glass door squeaked as he slid it open, and Sirius looked around. He had been draped over the railing, a lit cigarette dangling from his fingers. He was still wearing his jeans and that sleeveless shirt. His hair swayed gently in the breeze and the grey eyes glittered as they reflected the glowing light from the cigarette. Remus thought he looked like a rock God, or perhaps a pirate captain at the helm of his ship, battling a storm, if you ignored his clothes. Remus could, and did.

‘Feeling better?’ Sirius said, voice a little hoarse.

‘Um…’ Remus cleared his throat. ‘Yes, yeah. Thank you.’

‘So polite, Moony.’ Sirius looked back out into the night, thinking his dark thoughts.

‘No,’ Remus said. ‘You always took care of me, Sirius. Even at school. I realize I may not have been the most compliant patient. And tonight, too. You came when I needed you. You brought me into your home, even though we haven’t spoken in three years. You took care of me, shared your home, your bath, your clothes with me. So…thank you.’

Sirius’s expression had hardened. He still stared straight ahead, into space. After a while, he said roughly, ‘I didn’t do it for your gratitude. None of it. Not then, not now. So up yours.’

‘I know,’ Remus mumbled, ‘that’s why it means so much. You may not want my gratitude, but it’s still there.’ _Just like me_ , Remus added silently. Sirius did not respond.

‘Do you…Should I leave?’ Remus asked.

‘Running away again?’ Sirius asked, flicking his cigarette so that the glowing end flew off. The extinguished butt remained in his hand, and he tore it apart with his fingers before throwing it. ‘You didn’t ask permission before.’

‘Right,’ Remus muttered, and started to walk back into the flat.

Sirius’s hand shot out and closed around his wrist. Remus stopped: back turned, still facing the balcony door. He heard Sirius breathing slowly and deeply behind him, trying to control his anger.

‘What do you want from me, Sirius?’ Remus asked quietly. He could bear the loneliness, he could take the pain, he would cheerfully exchange the remainder of his life and obliterate his own self with that of the wolf, but…Sirius sounded as though he was in _pain_. He could not bear the thought of Sirius in pain.

‘I want to know why you left, Moony. I want to know what I did wrong. I thought we were mates. I don’t know why you left.’

‘Sirius, I…’

‘I want to know all that. But more than that, I want to move past it. I want…for you to be a part of my life again.’

Remus turned around at that. Sirius was looking down at his feet. It was obvious that each word had cost him. He should have known Sirius would blame himself.

Remus took a step toward him. He had to make this right. He could not live with the knowledge of Sirius’s pain. Pain caused by him.

‘Sirius,’ he said, slowly and clearly. ‘You never did anything wrong. On the contrary, you did everything right. You and James, and then Peter, you were all there for me when I had no one. Not even _I_ was on my side. But you were.’

‘Do you have a point other than the self-castigation, Remus?’ Sirius met his eyes now, anger still boiling in his own.

‘Right, here it is then. I loved you.’ Remus said, the truth bursting out of him in a rush.

The grey eyes were confused now. Doubt roiling in with the anger.

‘So?’

A frustrated grunt escaped Remus. His fingers flew into his wet hair, twisting until the madness heightened, then retreated slightly. Sirius still stared at him in confusion.

‘Give me one of those,’ Remus said, motioning toward the pack of cigarettes peeking out of Sirius’s jeans pocket. Remus stepped over to lean on the railing next to Sirius, their bodies parallel, two pairs of ankles crossed. They both stared ahead into the night, each trying to understand the other.

Sirius expertly lit a cigarette and passed it over. Remus sighed at the slightly wet filter before drawing in a huge pull. After two more, he passed the cigarette back to Sirius, who returned it after one long drag and a short one.

‘Don’t you have an ashtray?’ Remus asked, when the cigarette was almost finished. Sirius kept flicking the ash over the railing. The balcony looked out into a small back garden, which wasn’t exactly manicured, now that Remus looked at it.

‘Damned pigeons keep breaking it. I tried to get one of those hard, plastic ones and they stole it? Been through twelve in the past four months alone,’ Sirius barked out, incensed.

Remus chuckled. Sirius looked over at him, and smiled. The grey eyes looked deeply into the green, and then Remus sighed.

‘All right, try and really listen this time okay? I- loved- you. Or rather, I- was- in- love- with- you.’ Remus said slowly and clearly, focussing on the semantics and not the actual words.

Sirius was quiet for so long that Remus thought he hadn’t heard him.

‘Siri…?’ he began.

‘How long?’ Sirius cut across him, flipping the cigarette away.

‘Does it matter? Since third year? Fourth? It was gradual, but somehow sudden. I didn’t know I was on a schedule.’ Remus snapped.

‘Why didn’t you ever say…?’ Sirius started.

‘You Victorian plonker! I thought you knew. I was so obvious. I could never say no to any of your outlandish schemes! And what was I supposed to say? Sirius, I think you’re beautiful. Sirius, when you look at me, I turn into a puddle. Sirius, I want to kiss you until my head pops off!’ Remus’s hands swept through the air in wide, frustrated motions. He stopped talking, breathing heavily as if he’d run a mile.

‘Why did you stop? I’d like to hear more.’ Sirius said, smirking.

Remus pulled out his wand so fast that Sirius almost did not duck in time. One hand shot out towards Remus’s wrist, trying to catch at his wand. With the other, Sirius pulled out his own wand and cast a silent Shield Charm. Three more spells bounced off the shield before Remus lowered his wand.

‘I’m sorry, Moony. I’m sorry,’ Sirius said, returning his wand to his pocket. He held his empty hands up in peace. ‘Free shot, go on.’

Remus pocketed his own wand, and turned to go inside, once again. Once more, Sirius caught his wrist. This time, however, Sirius pulled until Remus was forced to turn to face him.

‘Moony,’ Sirius whispered. ‘You said you loved me. Then why did you leave? Why didn’t you ever get in touch? I sent you so many owls. All of them came back with the letters still attached. You stopped speaking to all of us. I even tracked down that Hufflepuff you were friends with till second year. Macmillan. He hadn’t heard from you either. I didn’t know where you were- if you were dead or alive. I drove myself crazy, imagining all kinds of things. A bad transformation. You - lost, suffering, without any of us to help. Without me. I want to understand. Tell me why.’

‘I… Sirius, I thought you knew about how I felt. I felt ashamed. I couldn’t be around you any longer. Always on the side-lines, watching you live your life, falling in love, getting married. I thought it would be better if I wasn’t near you.’

‘That…makes sense, actually,’ Sirius said slowly.

‘It does?’

‘Of course. You were always a wanker. Never knew your own worth. Though I tried to show you, _so_ many times. This sounds like exactly the kind of idiot idea you would get in your head. I should’ve known, really.’

Remus had nothing to say in response.

‘How about now?’ Sirius asked.

‘What?’

‘You said you _loved_ me. Have you stopped now? Found someone else?’

‘I’m glad this is all so amusing for you, Sirius.’

‘Not amusing, no. But answer the question.’

‘I wasn’t born a homosexual, you know? I didn’t know I was gay or whatever. I still don’t know what I am.’

‘The point, Remus.’

‘The point, you fucking baboon, is that it was you. I didn’t care if you were male or female or a fucking dragon. I loved you for you. I always will. There’s no one else. Only you.’

‘Good,’ Sirius said.

‘Good?’ Remus asked.

‘Good,’ Sirius repeated.

‘Sirius, don’t fucking play with me. I swear to Merlin, I won’t miss this time.’

‘I love you too. I have, since forever. It started as a kind of platonic thing, but then it turned into something else. I knew for sure, after I saw you play that piano for the first time. In third year, I think it was. The piano in the Shack, do you remember? I looked at your fingers moving over the keys and…I knew.’

Sirius’s manner was matter-of-fact. He sounded sure, confident.

‘Is this a joke?’ Remus asked, when he could speak again.

‘No. Don’t know why I bother, really. You might decide I’m too good for you again, and run away.’

‘Sirius!’

‘Will you run away again, Moony?’

‘Sirius, I…’

‘Will you?’

‘No,’ Remus promised. ‘I don’t think I can.’

There was a moment of silence as each regarded the other. Then, as if on cue, each stumbled forward. Remus's hand reached out to touch Sirius's face, marveling at the feel of Sirius’s skin. The green eyes filled, their depths reflecting joy instead of pain for once. Sirius stroked the hollow of Remus’s cheek and smiled. His other hand brushed Remus’s hair away from his brow.

‘I’ve always wanted to touch your hair. It’s so soft. The color of that hot cocoa you love. And your eyes, Moony. They have gold and brown specks in the sunlight, and whenever you get angry, they’re charged, like lightening.’

‘Sirius, you look like every breathing human’s fantasy.’

Sirius chuckled. ‘I know. Nothing I do seems to turn it off.’

‘I would get caught up in it, now and again. But then you’d pull some stupid prank with James, and I’d forget all about your looks. Then you’d do something for me, something I never thought to ask you to do. Take down notes for me in a class when you never take them for yourself when I was in the hospital wing, or smuggle in some pudding from the kitchens to cheer me up after the full moon, and I’d just…melt.’

‘I love you, Moony.’

Sirius’s face drew close to his again, and their lips met. Sirius’s lips tasted of smoke and ash. Then Remus’s tongue delved deeper and his brain liquefied. Their faces angled so each could explore the other better. Sirius’s teeth sank into Remus’s lower lip and his heart stopped beating.

His hand was in Sirius’s hair. His fingers twisted in the black silk as he fought to breathe. His body and mind were focused entirely on one task- keep kissing Sirius. He was drowning, but Sirius’s hand at his back reminded him to keep breathing. They drew on each other until Remus’s knees gave out.

Sirius caught him, and then bent at the waist to pick him up. He cradled Remus against his chest as if he weighed nothing.

‘What’re you doing?’ Remus asked, brain still not performing at optimal levels.

‘Taking you inside.’ Sirius opened the door, walked sideways until both of them were inside and then slid the door shut and locked it. He walked smoothly into the bedroom and placed Remus gently on the bed, as if he had done nothing more exciting than water a pansy.

He walked out of the room and back in with a pitcher and a glass. He poured some liquid out and cupped Remus’s boneless fingers around the glass.

‘Drink,’ he said. ‘Your body’s still healing. I’ll be right back.’

Remus concentrated on swallowing slowly and carefully. He finished the entire glass before his brain rebooted. When he looked around Sirius was walking towards him, his hair glistening wet. He was wearing a loose grey t-shirt and boxer shorts. He was also carrying something. Unfortunately, Remus’s brain could not catalog what it was and hold the glass at the same time. He compensated by placing the glass carefully on the nightstand, laying back on the covers, and closing his eyes.

He felt the bed move as Sirius sat down next to him. Next came a _thunk_ as Sirius placed whatever he was carrying on the nightstand. He felt a pull on the covers and moved his body, eyes still shut tight. Sirius tucked him in and gentle fingers brushed the hair off his forehead.

‘Are you okay, Moony?’

‘I’ll… Uh, I’ll let you know when my heart returns to my chest.’

Sirius chuckled and Remus felt warm breath on his face. His eyes snapped open.

‘I brought you some snacks,’ Sirius said.

It was as if they were back in school again. They ate their way through innumerable Chocolate Frogs, they demolished Pumpkin Pasties and Cauldron Cakes without discrimination and talked until they were laughing.

Exhausted, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, legs tangled and hands clasped.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus’s brain woke suspiciously. He was warm and comfortable, he smelled something enticing, and his body felt loose. Maybe he could fall back into sleep. He hummed, and closed his eyes tighter. He was surrounded by a familiar smell, he breathed it in and felt strangely content. The smell was friendly, warm, and inviting, but it was also dangerous, dark, and exciting. Something clicked in his brain.

 _Sirius_.

His eyes opened and he looked around. It hadn’t been a dream. He was curled in Sirius’s bed, cosily wrapped in blankets, seduced into sleep by comforting smells. But he was alone. He looked over at the bathroom, the door was slightly open, but he could not hear any movement inside.

He got out of the bed; eyes scrunched in defense of the sunlight permeating the flat, and made his way to the drawing room. Sirius was standing in the balcony, smoking. Remus felt a little shy, but he walked resolutely out into the morning.

Sirius turned around; his smile brighter than the sunlight.

‘Morning, Moony,’ he said, holding a hand out towards Remus, palm up.

Remus grabbed it, and wrapped his fingers around Sirius’s. He looked around to check if anyone was around, then the fingers of his other hand cupped Sirius’s cheek. His lips pressed, with more force than he had intended, against Sirius’s, but Sirius hummed into the kiss, and returned it with unholy gusto.

‘Morning,’ Remus said. He stepped back a little, eyes closed, tongue pressing into his own lower lip to see if he could taste Sirius there.

‘How are you feeling? Did you sleep all right?’

‘I slept very well, thank you! Better than I have in years. Will you stop worrying? You can check on your own, but I don’t feel the least bit sore. See?’ Remus twisted his torso into some stretches.

‘Nice,’ Sirius smiled, exhaling smoke.

‘Shut up,’ Remus said. ‘What time is it? It feels early.’

‘Barely eight.’

‘What? And not only are you upright, you’re wide awake? How the mighty have fallen!’

‘I forgot how chipper you are in the mornings. I couldn’t sleep much,’ Sirius shrugged.

‘Oh,’ Remus sobered up at once. ‘Did you get hurt last night? I didn’t even think to ask if you were okay…’

‘I’m not hurt, Moony. I just…’ Sirius trailed off.

‘What?’

Sirius grinned sheepishly. ‘Kept thinking about you curled around me, so warm and soft. Had to get out of bed.’

‘Oh,’ Remus said, unsure how to respond. ‘I’m sorr…’

‘Are you apologizing because I find you alluring?’

‘I…guess I was. Huh.’

Sirius passed him the cigarette and they smoked in companionable silence for a minute or two.

‘Did you say it was eight o’ clock?’

‘It’s five past now, actually,’ said Sirius, opening the balcony door and sticking his head in to check the huge wall clock in the drawing room. ‘Somewhere you have to be?’

‘Yeah,’ Remus said, shoulders drooping. ‘I have to be at the shop by nine.’

‘Oh,’ Sirius said. ‘Come on, then, I’d better feed you.’

They went in and sat on a small table in the kitchen, eating cereal with milk out of huge white bowls.

‘When do you have to go to work?’ Remus asked.

‘It’s my day off,’ Sirius said.

‘Oh,’ Remus grimaced. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask, where’s your guitar?’

‘The strap on the case broke, so I had to leave it at the pub last night.’

‘Oh,’ Remus repeated. Sirius was staring into his bowl, clearly thinking hard about something. Remus concentrated on chewing, and wondered when he would see Sirius again. Sirius had said he loved him. Surely that meant Remus would be permitted to spend more time with him. Should he say something? Was it too soon? They hadn’t spoken to each other in so long, maybe Sirius would feel smothered if Remus asked for too much too soon.

‘Do you want anything else?’ Sirius asked him, his eyes still thoughtful and slightly surly.

‘No, thanks.’

‘Let’s go then, I’ll give you a ride.’

‘Oh, that’s all right. I can Apparate over in some time. Save you the trouble, and that way we can spend some more time together?’

‘You hate Apparating,’ Sirius said wryly.

‘So do you. But I’m willing to make an exception. Unless you’d rather I left?’

‘Don’t be a sod, Moony.’

Both of them were quiet for a few seconds. Then Sirius said, ‘I guess I’m eager to feel you…braced against me on my motorbike. You…I mean…last night, it felt great.’ Sirius’s face was painfully red.

Remus reached out a hand to grip Sirius’s on the table. ‘I know what you mean. I couldn’t believe it while it was happening… But there are certain disadvantages to you driving and having to concentrate on the road.’

‘Like what?’

‘Just off the top of my head, I wouldn’t be able to do this.’ Still seated on the small table, Remus fisted a hand in the front of Sirius’s t-shirt and pulled him mercilessly forward. He kissed Sirius brutally, pouring all his want, his need, into the kiss. He wanted to reassure Sirius, he wanted to show him how he felt, so Sirius wouldn’t feel embarrassed about wanting him back. When he was done, Sirius was moaning into his mouth.

Sirius fell backward into his chair and cleared his throat. His mouth was swollen and wet, his hair disheveled. Remus felt a heady thrill at his own power.

Sirius mopped a hand over his face, pushing his hair back. ‘Were you always so rough, Moony?’

‘Would you prefer if I wasn’t?’

‘No,’ Sirius said immediately.

‘Randy bugger,’ Remus smiled, and Sirius smiled shakily back.

‘It’s like I’m getting to know you all over again.’

‘I know what you mean. It was a long three years, Sirius.’

‘For me as well. But…you matter, Moony. You always have. I…don’t want to lose you again. Do you…mind if we take things slow?’

‘Sirius, I promised you last night. I won’t leave you. And yes, I’m glad you want to take it slow. I felt the same way, but I was too afraid to say anything. Do you..?’ Remus’s voice trailed off.

‘Do I..?’

‘Nothing, I… This is new for me, Sirius. I don’t want to lose you either. I wondered if you…minded me kissing you?’

‘Of course not, you dolt.’

‘Good, because now that I _have_ , I don’t think I can ever stop.’

‘Ditto,’ Sirius grinned.

‘But we have to be frank with each other, and communicate what is okay and what isn’t. Deal?’

‘Deal.’

‘In that spirit, I…I would love to see you tonight? Maybe get some dinner?’ Remus asked hopefully.

‘I know a great Indian place, if you still like Naans with the Tandoori Chicken.’

‘I do. Will you pick me up? Where we met last night? At around half past five?’

‘Of course. Will you stay over again?’

‘If you like.’

‘Then we’ll stop at yours first, and you can pick up whatever you need. We can get dinner, and I’ll drive you home.’

Sirius smiled so sweetly when he said this, that Remus could not help but pull him back for another thorough kiss. He carried the taste of Sirius through the entire day, which felt immeasurably long.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week passed in a blur. They spent each night together, re-learning each other’s idiosyncrasies, remembering the small habits they had forgotten. They would talk late into the nights, and snap questions at each other over breakfast as if they were playing an extended game of tennis.

Remus could not remember feeling happier. He told Sirius how he had fallen out with his parents and discovered that Sirius had severed ties with his brother as well. He learned of James and Evans’s- no Lily’s- foolish fights, how the Potters spoiled Lily already and about Peter’s going to work in a Muggle bank. He was excited to see his friends again, but nervous about their reactions to his enforced absence. Sirius bolstered him, stating that he did not have to see them if he didn’t want to, but then speaking about them in a way that made Remus positively ache to reconnect with them.

They decided that they wanted some time to themselves before Sirius ‘reintroduced Moony into the herd’.

Remus woke early on Saturday morning. As was his habit, he looked around blearily for Sirius and, not finding him, got up from the bed to search the flat. He had just turned into the drawing room when he saw Sirius, and the remnants of sleep cleared from his brain as completely as if he had been doused in icy water.

Wearing nothing but a pair of sweat-darkened sweatpants, Sirius’s body labored through a graceful circuit of stretches, bending and twisting on a mat on the floor. His expression was one of deep concentration, as he moved with a deliberation that was unparalleled by anything else Remus had ever seen. His hair was caught in a messy bundle at the top of his head, damp curls falling down his neck and face with each movement. Sweat fell in rivulets down the pale chest and the muscled arms. Sirius’s upper body turned in another impossible movement and Remus glimpsed the broad back and sweaty shoulders, hair sticking and muscles bunching together in calm and controlled harmony. Sirius’s body rippled and undulated, like a river flowing and ebbing its way through Remus’s numb brain. Remus was painfully erect, but there was no space in his head to note this or do anything to hide it. Sirius occupied all of his mind.

Sirius’s body went still, as if he sensed Remus’s presence, and he straightened in one fluid motion to meet Remus’s wide eyes.

‘Morning, Moo. Did I wake you?’ he was panting slightly.

Remus could find no words to respond with. He just stared at Sirius, dumbfounded. This was, he thought, a new version of the same general dream he dreamed over the years. Though his subconscious had obviously surpassed itself this time. His eyes roved over the subtle dips of Sirius’s musculature, his heart thudding painfully against his ribs. If Remus held absolutely still, he would just not wake up, and this dream would end satisfactorily well. _Very_ satisfactorily, for all parties concerned.

‘I’m disgustingly sweaty,’ Sirius continued, shooting Remus a look of mild concern. ‘You want breakfast?’

Something was wrong, Remus thought. This wasn’t going in the direction he wanted. His fingers found and pinched the outside of his thigh. It hurt. ‘Ow,’ he said tonelessly.

Sirius shot him another curious look, eyebrows raised in inquiry. Remus walked over and pinched Sirius’s shoulder painfully.

‘Why?’ Sirius said, aghast.

‘Not a dream,’ Remus murmured. He was yet to take his hand off Sirius’s shoulder. His fingers were glued to the smooth skin. As if on their own volition, his hands swept inquisitively over every inch of Sirius’s left shoulder, from the tips of his long fingers to the top of the round bicep. Remus’s hands swept the wet locks of hair off Sirius’s neck and continued over the other shoulder. His eyes followed his hands, as if discovering the promised land. His hands flew back to feel Sirius’s chest. The muscles there were hard and disciplined, but trembled weakly at his touch. When he reached the flat plane of Sirius’s stomach, his hands faltered, stopping before they touched the low riding waistband of Sirius’s sweatpants.

Reason returned slowly to Remus’s brain, and his eyes flew up to Sirius’s. The grey eyes were clouded, Sirius’s mouth was open and his breathing was labored, as he held himself in rigid control for Remus to continue his pilgrimage.

Remus’s hands touched Sirius’s face, one on each cheek, as he cradled Sirius’s head and pulled it upwards. His own neck bent as he lowered towards Sirius. Their lips met and Remus tasted salt and desperation.

They kissed hungrily, Sirius’s muscles trembling from his exercise and Remus’s reverent touches. Remus’s fingers twisted in Sirius’s hair, dislodging the small piece of leather he had used to tie it back. Sirius’s teeth clamped around Remus’s throat and his mind emptied. He bent his knees to compensate for the difference in their heights, so that Sirius could reach his throat easier. Banding his arms around Sirius’s waist, he pulled him even closer. As Sirius’ thighs pressed against his own, he became agonizingly aware of Sirius’s erection. He moved again so that he could feel it stretched and hard, against his own length.

Sirius moaned at the contact, his hips arching and grinding to intensify the pleasure. Remus pulled back suddenly to look into his eyes, his breath coming in short pants that did nothing to relieve the pressure inside his chest.

‘Moony?’ Sirius whispered in confusion, his voice low and throaty.

‘What are we doing?’ Remus managed to say, slowly. ‘We said we’d go slow.’

‘Oh,’ Sirius said, his face falling as if Remus had cancelled Christmas.

Remus took note of his expression, and reasoned that caution was for idiots. Idiots who didn’t love each other as much as they did. Idiots who didn’t have Sirius Black wrapped around them and were going mad from the taste of his lips.

‘I mean,’ Remus said, and Sirius’s eyes raised hopefully. ‘There’s nothing stopping us. If we want to… we can, right?’

‘Right,’ smiled Sirius, walking back into Remus’s arms. ‘But, I’m all sweaty.’

‘We’ll take a shower after,’ Remus promised. He crushed his lips to Sirius’s again, who hummed happily.

‘Take this off,’ Sirius panted after a moment, pulling at Remus’s t-shirt.

Remus dragged at it, and said, ‘I don’t think I can make it to the bed.’

For an answer, Sirius pulled his mouth towards his own and lowered them to the mat on the floor.

It was difficult to say who had made the first move, but soon, two pair of sweatpants were lying in a tangled heap by their legs. Sirius wrapped a warm hand around Remus’s cock and Remus moaned deeply. His own hands pressed deeper into Sirius’s buttocks, leaving bruises that neither cared about. Sirius left open-mouthed kisses down Remus’s chest, his teeth claiming the particularly sensitive areas until Remus was writhing and begging.

Remus’s eyes were closed, he was painfully aware of what Sirius was doing to his body. His brain registered a low susurration and then he realized it was the sound of Sirius’s name on his lips. An unending chant. A soft plea.

Sirius’s mouth bit into the inside of his thigh, and Remus’s whole body arched, back momentarily flying off the mat. Sirius’s hand was still closed around Remus’s erection, tightening and stroking until Remus’s pleas turned into tortured whimpers.

‘Look at me, Moony,’ Sirius breathed over his sensitized flesh, and Remus’s eyes snapped open to find him. Stormy grey eyes looked deeply into bright green, and Sirius kissed the tip of Remus’s cock. Remus almost imploded.

Sirius’s mouth was wrapped around him now, sucking and lapping with apparent relish, his hand wrapped around the base.

‘Sirius, I can’t…. I…I’m going to come…’ Remus panted.

Sirius hummed, eyes blinking once, slowly, in acknowledgement. Remus’s eyes crossed at the vibrations of Sirius’s voice around him, and he emptied in his mouth, his entire being shuddering in release.

Sirius’s mouth still moved, his tongue stroking him until he was soft, and then half-hard again, almost instantaneously.

Remus bent at his waist and his hands caught at Sirius’s shoulders, dragging him until he lay on top, his entire body stretched out over Remus’s. He kissed him, and, still kissing, turned him around, reversing their positions.

Using tongue and teeth he moved over Sirius, mercilessly pressing into soft flesh and hard muscle, while Sirius quaked and whimpered in agonizing delight.

Their cocks were rubbing against each other, Remus’s still wet from his come and Sirius’s tongue. Remus took them both in a hand and stroked, pumping furiously, both Sirius’s lips and his own body encouraging the impending release. He wanted to taste Sirius’s cock, but his lips couldn’t stop kissing and sucking at every inch of Sirius’s throat and face.

Both bodies seemed to flash simultaneously. Or perhaps it was the stroke of Remus’s teeth against his throat that guided Sirius over the climax, and Sirius’s muffled cry against Remus’s neck, that dragged Remus with it over the last crest. Whatever it was, their bodies shuddered one final time, and with a deep exhale, Remus collapsed on top of Sirius, his hand still trapped in the wet mess between them.

Breathing heavily, Sirius pressed a kiss against Remus’s forehead, the only point he could reach without moving, and Remus grunted in exhausted acknowledgement of the kiss.

When they could move again, they washed each other in the shower, tender touches soothing over bruised flesh, soothing and rubbing until their bodies were clean, then sticky, then clean again.

That Saturday was the most memorable day of both young lives. They spent it in bed, two tortured souls finding each other and becoming one.

Late that night, Remus turned to Sirius, and voiced a question that had formed in his brain as soon as they had met.

‘How come you’re all ripped…and muscly?’

Sirius winced. ‘Do you hate it?’

‘Were you around today?’

‘You…like it?’

‘I told you. It’s you. I love everything about you. From the top of your glamorous head to the tips of your arrogant toes.’

‘Sod off,’ Sirius said affectionately, pressing a kiss at the corner of Remus’s mouth.

‘I’m not letting you distract me. Again.’

Sirius huffed. ‘I did some weight training. Worked at one of those gymkhanas for some time, taught some classes. The habit stuck. It relaxes me.’

‘You do the stretchy thing every day?’

‘No, sometimes it’s yoga, then I do…you know, the “pumping iron thing”, to dumb it down to words you can understand.’

‘Shut up,’ Remus said, and Sirius laughed. ‘So, you do this every morning, while I’m asleep?’

Sirius nodded, pressing a kiss into Remus’s hair.

‘I’m never sleeping-in again.’

They were quiet for a while, fingers and lips stroking over bare skin lovingly, as if to memorize the texture, to savor the tenderness of the moment, and each other.

Remus’s head was resting on Sirius’s shoulder. His hand was on Sirius’s chest, resting against his heart and feeling each beat of it in his own chest. He was tucked into Sirius’s side, warm and snug under the covers. They were both naked, but this had stopped being an issue. At least, Remus thought it wouldn’t be an issue as long as he did not think about Sirius’s naked body next to his, his hands in his hair and his tongue in his mouth. Remus cleared his throat guiltily and marshaled his thoughts elsewhere.

‘I never expected you to…’ Remus started to say, then trailed off into silence.

‘What?’

‘I don’t know. I guess I…expected you to be more part of the wizarding world, you know? I didn’t think you would live in Muggle London. Do Muggle jobs.’

Sirius didn’t say anything.

‘Why did you, do you think? Because of your parents?’

‘No,’ Sirius said immediately.

‘Then why? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious.’

‘You? Curious? Can’t say I’ve ever noticed that particular trait.’ Sirius’s voice dripped in sarcasm.

‘Sirius,’ Remus admonished quietly.

‘Okay, I’ll tell you. It makes me sound like such a sap, though. Huh. Well, here goes.’

He said nothing.

‘Are you waiting for me to fall asleep? Spit it out.’

‘Hold on to your horses. I’m…working up to it. Okay. Well. I knew that- okay- this is not a reflection on you or anything- but I knew that you wouldn’t be able to find any jobs in the wizarding world. And I thought, from something you said when we were kids, that you liked London. Something about those novels you’d read made you romanticize the place. So, I…thought this was the best way to look for you. I worked at some restaurants, all over the city, washing dishes, parking cars, you name it. It was just a way for me to exist in the Muggle world, meet people, maybe catch a glimpse of you. I only took jobs in the service industry, you know? So, restaurants and hotels first. Then I got bored and did the weight training. Then, I think it was the bus-driving. I drove this big yellow Muggle bus, double-decker. It was frustrating, it went so slow, and the people were so whiny. I decided I’d try my hand at the guitar, then. Taught myself. Got the job playing alternate nights at that pub. Was thinking I’d try giving lessons next. Maybe somehow, if I kept switching between enough things, I’d run into you somewhere.’

‘Sirius, I… you did this all for me? I don’t deserv…’

‘If you finish that thought, I’m going to get very angry Moo.’

Remus sighed. He raised himself from Sirius’s chest and turned his body to face him. Placing both his palms over each side of Sirius’s face, he looked deeply into those grey eyes that were his world.

‘Thank you, Sirius. For not giving up on me.’

‘Never.’ Sirius stroked a hand down Remus’s hair, twirling gentle fingers around the strands behind his ear.

‘What were you planning to do when you found me?’

‘Bring you home and make you love me.’ Sirius said simply.

Remus laughed at the unlikelihood of him being able to do anything _except_ love Sirius. It was the only thing he could do effortlessly, the only thing that gave him joy and made him feel weightless.

‘I succeeded, didn’t I?’ Sirius said, misinterpreting the laugh. ‘I found you, and here you are.’

‘Here I am,’ Remus agreed, stretching his neck to touch Sirius’s mouth with his own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!   
> Just wanted to tell you all about the song referenced here. It is one of my favorites- [Lie to Me by 5 Seconds of Summer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du7paNLQN9M). It breaks my heart each time I listen to it, and my writing does not fully justify the feeling.  
> The song does not completely fit the context here; I have only included some parts of it which suit the situation. Hope you like the last chapter!

Holding hands, Remus and Sirius Apparated to the forest Remus had been using for his transformations. Remus was terrified. He had been facing the full moon alone after leaving Hogwarts, and did not know how the wolf would react to Padfoot’s sudden reappearance. Sirius, however, had overridden all of Remus’s objections and pigheadedly accompanied him.

Not wanting to take any unnecessary risks, they had appeared in the forest, well before sundown. Shouldering a bag containing food, blankets and his healing potions, Sirius looked around at the surrounding trees. Thick trunks unmarked by human hands stretched for miles above and around him, dwarfing him into insignificance.

‘This is the cage I use,’ Remus said, pointing towards an empty space under a towering oak. He tapped his wand over something invisible, and it rang like metal before a menacing iron cage appeared.

‘I can’t risk being loose. We’re very deep in the forest, there are no people for miles around, but still, I…’

‘I understand, Moony,’ Sirius said. His eyes were moving over the deep grooves on the inside of the cage. The floor and ceiling were gouged in deep scratches, and the iron bars had been marked by numerous teeth.

Sirius’s eyes filled at these physical marks of Remus’s pain. The wolf must not have liked being trapped, it must have thrown itself against the bars, breaking ribs and dislocating shoulders, pulling out teeth and tearing gums- all of which Remus would have suffered through when he transformed back.

‘You’re not coming in with me,’ Remus said firmly, his eyes studying Sirius’s wet ones.

‘Fuck that! I…’

‘Sirius, you can transform and wait outside. Too much time has passed since the wolf knew you. Listen to me,’ Remus held Sirius’s forearms tightly, looking deep into his eyes, his voice deep and intense. ‘I _will_ not risk you. Not today, not ever.’

‘I can’t let you suffer alone,’ Sirius said quietly.

‘You’re not. You’re right here. I’ll feel better knowing you’re outside where the wolf can’t hurt you. I’ve tested the cage. It’s fortified magically. And knowing you’re waiting for me, for when…it’s over, will make the rest…bearable.’ Remus spoke haltingly. He sensed Sirius’s pain, and continued, more softly. ‘A couple of months later, you can come in, or maybe the wolf can come out. We can go for a run in the forest. Just like old times.’

Remus cupped Sirius’s cheek and kissed him softly.

Sirius nodded. With one hand he held Remus’s wrist, and with the other, he pulled him close, deepening the kiss.

As dusk fell, Sirius built a fire to stave off the cold, and Remus unpacked some of the food. They ate in silence, Remus barely swallowing a few mouthfuls before his body went rigid. He closed his eyes and shuddered. Getting up, he pressed a kiss into Sirius’s hair. He entered the cage, locking the door behind him, and disrobed quickly. He passed his clothes and wand to Sirius through the bars of the cage. Sirius passed him a couple of blankets, which he wrapped around himself, shivering in the cold. Sirius’s fingers twisted through the bars into the folds of the blankets and pulled him in for another kiss.

‘It’ll be okay, Moony. I’ll take care of you. Nothing bad will happen.’

‘I love you,’ Remus smiled into the grey eyes. Sirius smiled back.

Remus sat in a corner of the cage, huddled in the blanket and waiting for the change, as moonlight fell, shining bright and terrifyingly dark.

He gathered himself, physically and mentally, bracing for the pain. He heard a small yelp and looked over to see the giant black dog, curled next to him outside the cage, tongue lolling at the side of its face in a grin.

He smiled as the moonlight fell on his body.

***

Remus woke slowly, his body overheating. He moaned in his sleep, trying to stretch his tired muscles gradually, his mind expecting the pain. He felt only exhaustion. His eyes opened and he breathed in Sirius’s scent. The dog’s back was pressed against his chest, his face had been deep in the fur on its head. His left arm cushioned the hairy head and the right was around its body, hand curled at its heart. The blanket covered them both. Remus ruffled the thick black fur next to him, and the dog grumbled in its sleep. He stretched experimentally. No, nothing was broken, his body was just tired.

He looked around. They were both inside the cage.

The feeling of happiness inside his evaporated. ‘Sirius,’ he said, poking the dog’s stomach. ‘Wake up! I told you to stay outside the cage, I told you not to come in. Stop staring at me and transform so I can understand you!’

‘…yelling so early in the morning! I didn’t get in the cage with you until dawn, all right?’ Sirius said, rubbing his eyes. ‘I waited until sunrise, then came in and healed you. I transformed again just to be safe. I know how overcautious you are.’

‘You healed me? You didn’t get into the cage until dawn? You listened to me?’

‘Yes. Are you repeating what I just said or am I still a dog?’ Sirius asked grumpily.

Remus pulled him in. He held him against his chest, wrapping a hand at the back of his neck and kissing his hair. Sirius held his waist and stroked soothing arms at his sides.

‘Thank you,’ Remus whispered into the hair at his lips, arms banding around Sirius’s head so he couldn’t surface and start telling him where to stuff his gratitude.

Sirius fought him, trying to free his head, then mumbled something against his chest.

‘I’ve known you since we were eleven. I’m not falling for that trick.’ Remus kissed the top of his head again, and Sirius relaxed against him.

‘Let’s go home,’ Remus said.

They spent the day in bed, and woke only for a late lunch.

‘Don’t you have to go to work?’ Remus asked.

‘I’ll skip today. I’m not leaving you alone.’

‘Don’t be silly. I don’t want them to fire you. Look, I’ll stay in bed. Okay? I’ll keep it warm for when you come back. You can get me some of that chocolate ice-cream I like.’ Remus feathered Sirius’s face with kisses between sentences.

‘Okay,’ Sirius agreed finally.

***

Remus dozed fitfully. Try as he might, he could not relax without Sirius next to him. When he couldn’t bear it any longer, he showered and dressed. He cast a Disillusionment Charm over himself and Apparated right outside the bar Sirius played at- an old-fashioned pub called E. Blackadder’s Rest.

It was late, but he knew Sirius would be off work in another twenty minutes. They could go home together. He ducked in an alley to take the Disillusionment Charm off, and made his way back to the door.

When Sirius had told him that he played guitar at a Muggle pub, Remus had pictured something less…elaborate. The setup here was impressive. Sirius stood alone on a small dais, surrounded by various shiny instruments- guitars, a huge black drum set, and a couple of amplifiers. Perhaps the other members of the band had taken off for the night, Remus thought.

The pub was dark. The only source of amber-toned light was suspended from the ceiling, and focused on Sirius, a solitary figure standing confidently in the center of the stage. A black and gold acoustic guitar was suspended from a strap on his shoulder; he supported the guitar in both hands- one fingering the frets and the other plucking a catchy tune that set feet tapping around the bar.

Remus entered silently and seated himself at the bar, softly requesting a pint. He knew Sirius could not see him, so he was prepared to enjoy himself and stare at Sirius to his heart’s content. Glancing around at the other patrons, he knew he would not be alone. The song ended just as Remus’s drink arrived. A woman approached the stage and motioned to Sirius. He knelt down towards her, and she murmured something in his ear. His hair fell down to tickle the woman’s face and Remus felt a stab of jealousy.

_Mine_ , a voice growled in his chest.

Sirius pulled a tall stool out from behind the stage and fiddled with some of the wires attached to his guitar. He seated himself on the stool, a romantic figure clad in a black leather jacket and tight black jeans, a thin white t-shirt with a gaping neckline hugging his muscled chest when he moved.

Sirius cleared his throat, emitting his own soft light that mixed with the yellow spotlight on him, and pushed his hair out of his face with a hand. Clunky silver rings glittered on his long pale fingers, and only served to draw attention to the shapeliness of his hand.

‘I’ve received a request for one of my original compositions,’ Sirius said, deep voice ringing in the small pub. ‘I wrote this song when I was…hurting for someone. It is an emotional experience for me to sing it, but I am happy that some of you like it enough to request it.’

The crowd cheered, some of the patrons whistling.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. ‘Lie to me. Here goes.’

The song began with a sad riff, and then Sirius started singing. Sirius’s voice was soft, his expression sad…and lost. He sang as if his heart was breaking, his words punching through Remus’s chest like relentlessly violent blows. The grief in Sirius’s voice struck at Remus, as if he was a butterfly pinned to a piece of parchment, his limbs elongated and displayed for some heartless collector’s pleasure. He felt helpless, he could not move.

“ _Now I wish we’d never met,_

_‘Cause you’re too hard to forget_ ”, Sirius crooned, and Remus’s heart broke into a million pieces.

Remus sat on his stool, breathing ragged, wishing for the song to end, but terrified that Sirius would stop singing. Sirius’s voice trembled through the chorus, one last time:

“ _I know that you don’t,_

_But if I ask you if you love me,_

_Hope you lie-lie-la-lie,_

_Lie to me._ ”

Silent tears had been coursing down Remus’s cheeks. The bar was silent as Sirius’s song ended and he looked up. His own eyes were wet, but he smiled and said something to the crowd. Remus’s brain could not register the words.

Putting his guitar on its stand, Sirius left the bar through a back door. When Remus was sure his legs would support him, he followed.

He opened the door and saw Sirius leaning on the wall a little way away, fingers curled around a lit cigarette. His face was wet. Remus went to him and hugged him, pressing his lengthy frame against Sirius’s warm body, sobs heaving through his own chest.

‘Moony?’ Sirius whispered, surprised, but holding him close. He buried his face against Remus’s neck and breathed him in. They held each other tightly, as if afraid the other would disappear the second they let go.

Remus pressed wet kisses all over Sirius’s face, murmuring, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Sirius. I’m sorry.’

‘No, no. You’re here now. I’m happy, Moony. You make me happy.'

'Take me home,’ Sirius said, straightening up and wiping his face. 

Thus it was that Remus Lupin reunited with Sirius Black, and they held each other through eternity.

Epilogue

‘Are you all packed, Moo?’

Remus looked up from the numerous papers and books surrounding him. ‘What?’

‘Packed for the tour, love?’

‘Oh. Yes, I’m done. I packed your two backup guitars as well- the acoustic and the electric. And I’m just going through the rest of my notes, trying to decide which ones I should take with us.’

‘Take them all. We’ll be gone for six months. You never know what you’ll need. Writing the _third_ national bestseller isn’t as easy as the first two, you know?’

‘Do _I_ tell you which strings to pluck, Padders?’

‘No, Moo-Moo. But you do supply the odd rhyme now and again.’

Remus hummed in agreement. He got up from his desk and walked over to Sirius, who had been lounging on the arm of the old blue sofa.

Sirius’s face stretched upwards automatically, expecting the curl of Remus’s fingers around his face.

‘I love you,’ Remus murmured, tenderly stroking the pale cheek, rough with stubble. His hand moved to cup the back of Sirius’s neck, gently massaging the muscles. His lips kissed a trail from Sirius’s mouth to the side of his jaw.

A hand fisted in the front of Remus’s robes and Sirius tripped him until he landed on the sofa. Sirius landed on top of him and kissed him deeply, burying him in warmth and love. 


End file.
